Broken, but put back together.
This post will be more personal than anything I've written before, and maybe more personal that anything I write in the future.
Last night, the person that I would tell you I trusted with my life and who I cared about more than most people in my life betrayed me. The kind of betrayal that you cannot forgive and that leaves a feeling in the pit of your stomach that won't go away.
Part of me wanted to pretend that this didn't affect me. Go on with my life and post happy pictures on social media to show I am totally fine without them! But why should I pretend? I am not okay. The worst part of it all is seeing that they don't seem that hurt by it. They shed me so easily and are moving on to the next part of their life without looking back. So I sat in tears being consoled by loved ones trying to figure out what to do next.
I know that a lot of you have been through similar situations. And I know that this probably won't be the last time I experience such a loss. So I wanted to share with you some amazing words and thoughts shared by my loved ones that helped me start to feel happy again and realize what a great life I have:
"You're an amazing woman. Sometimes people just don't have the eyes to recognize what they truly have. Karma always comes around twice as hard. You're amazing, don't let this change the perception you have of yourself. You don't deserve any of this. There should be 0 room in your life for these kind of people, Meghan. Surround yourself with people that appreciate you and know your worth. Go live your life, be free, run to the corners of the earth and explore everything you never even thought was possible. You owe it to yourself."
"I read this story the other day. Maybe it doesn't apply to you completely, but it's good food for thought, anyways. It was about these two guys that were friends. One of them had this huge crush on a girl to the point that he really cared for her though they weren't really close. In any case, he decided to tell the girl one day and she shut him down. So the guy's friend came and started to try and make him feel better, but he told him 'Why should I be feeling bad? She lost someone who really cared about her. I lost someone who didn't care about me.' And it really puts things into perspective, you know? Because people no matter what will always make mistakes. And I know it's hard to trust someone and then feel like that trust was betrayed. It's not okay. But you're never alone Meghan. You do have people that genuinely care for you and want what's best for you always."
"We always leave a part of who we are with everyone we meet and as they get closer, they get more and more of us. So when someone leaves... a piece of you is missing and it takes time. Time to fill that void they left in your life. You know what you have to do to fill that void? People always say that for meditation you have to clear your mind and find your inner peace. I think that's completely ridiculous. Because if you empty your mind, then anything can come in and fill it. Instead I like to do something else - to fill my mind with everything that is TRUE and PURE and LOVELY. Because if my mind and heart are full of those things, there's no space for anything else."
And that's exactly what I did. I sat there and let the tears dry. I thought of every single truly beautiful and amazing thing I have in my life. The things that make me smile and feel warm inside. Those moments that make me want to hold on and hope it never ends. And I am lucky enough to have so many of those. And I will fill my head and heart with those things and not let the negativity in. I will be happy. No matter what.